Meg's Detox Diary: Day 1

Today begins our 10-day detox. My grocery cart runneth over yesterday when I shopped for ingredients--90% vegetables, 10% things like crackers and hummus and tahini. It took all my strength to move my overloaded cart around the store. At the checkout line, I discovered why it's so hard for poor people to buy healthful food. But I digress. Here is a recap of how Day 1 went:


I spend 20 minutes making our morning green smoothie. (Note to self: Cut veggies the night before.) While it's a bit gritty, the smoothie does not taste that bad. My husband disagrees, but bravely chugs it down. I am sad because I am missing quality time with my daughter on her birthday, so I vow to spend the evening by her side (whether she likes it or not).


I finish putting together the overfilled grocery bag containing my food for the day.


The lack-of-coffee headache kicks in. So does hunger. Thinking about breaking into the bag of raw almonds. My coworkers ask me why I am so quiet and spacey. I am embarrassed to tell them why, so I just say, "I need coffee."


General misery sets in. I am hungry, have a headache, and can't focus. I just want to go to sleep. I begin to think maybe my hunger isn't actually hunger; it's just me wanting a pastry REAALLLY badly. My stomach doesn't ache. I'm just unsatisfied.


I head out to Trader Joe's to get some veggie sushi. I walk the 1.5-mile round trip in a caffeine-free fog, only to find that the only veggie sushi they have is mushroom sushi. Not cool, TJ's. I look through all other ready-to-eat options, and they all have either A) sugar, B) dairy, or C) wheat in them. I leave, desperate for food.


I stop for "real" veggie sushi at an actual sushi restaurant. I also get miso soup, which I am not sure meets detox criteria, but dammit--I need warm food.


After eating the food, I feel much better. But I still want a brownie and coffee.


My headache starts to worsen. I dream of taking a long bath, and then getting into bed with a good book. Reality with children bites sometimes.


Home with the kids, I ask them repeatedly to quiet down, mommy has a headache. At this point, I am having trouble thinking straight.


We sit down to a mediocre dinner of lentils and quinoa, which the kids won't touch. I barely want to touch it, so I can't blame them. We give them turkey and cheese to make up for it (bad parents).


I can barely see and I am fighting nausea, my head hurts so bad. The bedtime ritual with the kids is excruciating. I ask the hubby to take over; I don't think he realizes how bad I feel.


The kids finally in bed, I go downstairs and plop down on the couch for The Bachelor. Five minutes in I realize I can't even stomach TV. I run to the bathroom and throw up. It occurs to me that I am experiencing a horrible migraine due to lack of caffeine. I just now realize how addicted I've become and then reach for the nearest soda for some much-needed relief.


The soda didn't work, so I pop some Excedrin, get in bed, and put on a face mask to shield me from any errant light. I vow to drink coffee the next day; it's not worth the pain.

Curse this detox.